I Am Bismark



bowling in small town wisconsin is like eating the ash out of an ashtray after rubbing it all over your clothes. fun.

we played imaginiff at our pre-new years party. apparently my friends think that if i a was a tv channel, it would be MTV (huh??), if i was a movie it would be 2001: A Space Odyssey, and if i was a villain, it would be Lex Luther.

i just got home (12:30 AM) and my mother is watching tv for some reason. not the most common sight.

i have never grown my facial hair as long as it was, so i wasn’t really sure how to shave it off correctly. well, obviously hacking away at it with a straight razor was the wrong idea, because man did that hurt. my face still feels scraped.

what is wrong with me?

went and saw “the holiday” today. typical sappy romantic comedy. it didn’t even have hugh grant in it, and jude law just doesn’t quite cut it. but here is the weird part: i actually thought cameron diaz was hot in it. seriously, i know, crazy. what is the world coming to if i think that a blonde woman is really hot?

moving on… i can’t grow a beard. it is quite depressing. there are two bald spots right in the middle of my cheeks. i am shaving off all of my scruff tonight… that way i can let a little bit grow back before i go back to provo, and it will be right at the sexy rugged length to greet the semester with.

i am going bowling with a couple of married friends this evening. wow.

saddam hussein was hung last night. he wasn’t a good guy by any means, but i have two thoughts: 1) what were/are the costs of taking him down? 2) i don’t care what bruce r. mcconkie says, i don’t think the death penalty fits into the gospel of Jesus Christ.

tangerine convinced me to blog about it: i bought a gre/ay sweater today. it was $12. it took me a few moments to decide between the medium and the large. the large had a more relaxed look to it, while the medium had a slimmer, european look to it. i went with the medium in the end. new year, turning over a new leaf, sexy new look.

i need to get better at this blogging thing. here is a recap of some things i overlooked:

my brother attempted a lord of the rings extended edition marathon with his friends. i have never done it, and being a fan, i thought i would join it. well, trying to watch 12 hours of movies with 16 year olds who have the attention spans of the typical internet generation kid is a bad idea. i gave up during the second half of the two towers because i was sick of straining to hear the dialoguge over the banter…

i’ve been sick a lot lately. it sucks.

worst semester yet… 3.87 GPA. i have no idea what happened in my new testament class.

i have $25 credit at the itunes store… no idea what to buy. right now i am thinking of getting the academy is and the hush sound.


“I think that we’ve got what it takes to get this heart start beating again.”

i’ve made some preliminary new years resolutions, though more are to come. i’ve had a bad year. there’s no better way to put it. i’ve hurt both myself and the people around me. it’s really time to take some control. i want to go back to being known as a nice guy. i want to feel again. i want to love again.

a response to the board

because i think it is a little personal to post on the board, i will respond to the board writers answers to my question about becoming a significant other of a board writer.

Optimistic., Bruno, Laser Jock,

Why are the first three posts all from guys and all rather defensive sounding? Feeling a bit threatened I suppose. Well, you have good reason to be. They don’t call me Alpha Male just for kicks.

Female Board Writer,

Well, that is nice of you to say. Actually, I don’t like my red hair that much. But hey, if it works for you… do you like chocolate? Specifically, hot chocolate in drinkable form? That’s about as creative as I can get right now… maybe after some deliberations I will come up with something worth asking someone out to do.

Lavish my dear,

What else have I got to offer? Oh my, where to begin. A nice car? Please. Why would I have one of those when I can have a scooter instead!! Ok, it doesn’t really fit two people, unless you get real close (wink). Charming personality? Come on, we all know girls just say they want that to not look shallow. A major with potential? Computer engineering, which yes, may sound nerdy, but one of these days those business majors you are dating will be washing my scooter. Wit? No. Kissing skills? Now we are talking. I wrote a blog about this once. Maybe I will post it as a classic blog… Many a maiden has lauded my superior abilities btw. How do you like them apples?


I am assuming by “partially true”, it means that you are only partially single because you are waiting for a missionary? Thats fine, I won’t intentionally invade another man’s territory, but you better watch out if I ever end up wearing that cologne. Do you work at the L&T Produce in the Cougar Eat? If so, I am the guy who always gets the Great Ceasar wrap to go, no parmesan cheese, plus cucumbers, a small fruit, and a wheat roll. Keep an eye out for me.


The dark part means I am mysterious. You can’t find out everything just from searching facebook and myspace!


I might take you up on that, though how in the world does your sister know me too? Do I just walk around campus as a celebrity without ever realizing it?


I’m 23. Yes, getting old for a single Provo man. But the years bring wisdom and charm. I think I would be a horrible Board writer btw. I think wet blanket does a good job of the role I think I would play best…

Taken Writer,

Your loss… my mom went out a couple of times with a guy at the Y before she met my dad. That guy ended up being a very rich car saleperson in Utah Valley, and now he is a general authority! Think about it.

Dragon Lady,

First, I don’t believe in curses. Unless they involve goats. Second, see the response to Tangerine. Third, I am assuming that because of your hair color, you are not Japanese. Though, maybe you could be one of those weird Japanese girls who bleaches her hair until it looks orange and the puts on white lipstick and eyeliner. Anyway, I actually dated a blonde over the summer, so I think I might have gotten over the whole black haired thing anyway. Fourth, how do you know that my real motive is not to just get some dates? Maybe I am really horrible at asking girls out, so this whole thing is one elaborate scheme to give me a chance to easily meet intelligent women.

the honor code

everyone that knows me knows how i feel about it. i think i will submit the following letter to the daily unifarce editor at the beginning of next semester. comments/critiques are welcome:

It has been said many times before, but I will repeat it now lest some think that “all is well in Zion.” The Honor Code is one of the greatest examples of “looking beyond the mark” in our Mormon culture. The human soul is infinitely more precious than man-made, culturally based grooming standards, so precious in fact, that it’s worth can only be measured in drops of your and my Savior’s blood. A system that ties honor and personal righteousness with outward appearance can only foster the judgemental attitudes so prevalent already in our Church, which will only push individual souls further from the Gospel and the Atonement. Because I signed it, I will continue to live it outwardly, all the while trying to keep the weightier spiritual matters inwardly. But I will state emphatically now, our light to the world can only come from the Gospel’s light shining in our eyes and our actions, not from flourescent glows reflecting off of our smooth faces. Thank You.

meh… it was better as i wrote it in my mind last night.

new blog

i figured i should start a new blog. i guess i really am narcissistic enough to think that other people would actually read this. well, ?????

[editor’s note: i think i had something more written here once, but it got lost into cyberspace… :(]

edit: all blogs prior to this were hosted on different sites.

loving the fact that he got really sick during finals.


seriously, crushes are the dumbest things in the world. what makes a person have such an irrational attraction to someone they barely even know??

here is a journal entry i wrote many months ago back:

“On to the subject that of course has been heavy on my mind lately, and that is girls. The girl I really want to meet and talk to just doesn’t really seem all that interested I’m afraid. Like, I’m pretty sure there is no way she can not know that I am interested in getting to know her after all the times that I have gone up to talk to her, and especially after I [edited because it gives things away too much]. But even then, she seems to just spurn me by not even acknowledging my existence. So that is sort of a bummer as you can guess… Everyone keeps telling me to just go big and talk to this girl that I want to meet so bad, even if to just get rejected. And I know that is what I should do, but it’s freaking tough! I mean, she actually happens to standing about 20 feet from me right now, and it would be completely easy to go up to her and ask her on a date or something silly like that, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe it is because the thought that maybe just maybe I had a chance but never took it is a lot easier to handle than the fact that I took the chance and got shot down trying. I suppose it just comes down to be afraid of rejection, or embarrassment, which isn’t new to me. I did learn how to stop a Japanese business man on the street and ask him if he was interested in hearing about the Gospel, but for some reason I just can’t get myself to walk up to a really beautiful girl and ask her if she wants to go on a date with me. How horrible is that? I feel like such a loser for it.”

dumb. dumb. dumb. yeah, in the end, i did ask her on a date and it went fine. all of the building up was completely in my mind, and i doubt she even realized half of what was going on in my head. if i think a girl is cute, i should ask her out. plain and simple. no building things up, no worrying about rejection (honestly ryan… there has not been a single girl that has completely rejected you for the first date since you have been here). i think part of my problem comes from not having a good idea of what to do for a date. i am not very creative, i lack reliable transportation, and most of my closest friends are in committed relationships, making group things a bit awkward.

what the hell am i talking about anyway?

pissed about his crappy haircut. does anyone know of a place here in provo than can give him a men’s haircut that doesn’t make him look like the 90s are back?

very glad that Michelle added the wonderful word “molestache” to his vocabulary and he plans to you use it often, just like “craptacular” and “flavalicious.”

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