so i have had a number of girls tell me i am a good kisser. why? i don’t
really know. i most certainly did not have a lot of practice when i was
young. but thats besides the point. in this season of thanksgiving,
i suppose i ought to be grateful with whatever talents i have been blessed
with, no matter how useless they may be. useless you say? yes. i will get
to that later.
but first, seeing as i have had some girls tell me this (btw, for you
disbelievers out there, when they told me this, they were dating other
guys, etc, so they had no need to boost my confidence), perhaps my opinion
on the subject can carry a bit more weight on the subject. so i will make
a few observations:
style: i’ve noticed people have various styles of kissing. i’m trying to
decide if that has to do with his/her (ok, from now on i will only be
using the female pronoun, because that is just weird) ability or not
(because some styles i’ve met up with really sucked, so maybe it wasn’t
the person’s style at all…) (i use too many parenthetical statements).
but, i guess if in the end, people do have different styles, with some of
them just sucking, that is cool.
tongue: yes, the use of tongue is rather important. some girls just never
even let their’s pass the threshold of their lips, some out of no where
just shove it in your face, and some actually do it right. girls, please,
start slowly. start with a focus on the lips, then move bit by bit, even
lips: well, duh. but on a more serious note, having the upper/lower lip
individually receive slight suction creates a unique and wonderful
sensation. try it.
air pressure: ok, so i have had girls who stay completely tight lipped and
then suddenly open things up, creating a sort of open cavern, and losing
all of the air pressure between the mouths. bad idea. when the sets of
lips are together, continuous air pressure, or suction, ought to be
maintained. a mouth should only be opened slightly, and pressure should be
eyes: closed. i can tell when they are open.
lipstick/gloss/gooey stuff on the lips: ok, please make sure there isn’t
a ton on so that when the roommate walks in the door, your facade of
watching tv on opposite ends of the couch isn’t completely ruined. and
make sure it tastes decent. and btw, you girls better figure out if
applying lip gloss is supposed to be a hint or not, because us guys just
are too dumb sometimes.
other stuff: since this is a G-rated blog, i won’t continue. keep it clean
now for something worthwhile:
seriously, what’s up with kissing? have you ever thought about how weird
it really is? i mean, two humans putting an orifice of the body against
each other. we eat with our mouths. we talk with our mouths. we breath
with our mouths. so what is so great about putting them against another
person’s? i don’t really know….
i like kissing. but to be honest, i don’t know if it is really as amazing
as some people make it out (pun??) to be. kissing someone you don’t care
about really does suck (pun??..ok, i’m done). yeah, sure, so i have had my
share of “ncmo”. it seemed like it might be kind of exciting at the time,
but afterwards it is usually awkward and lame. from my friends, i hear one
night stands tend to be about the same. i am not proud of any of the times
i have randomly made out with a girl. i don’t look back on any of them as
fond memories. yet, that first kiss with the girl i loved still sticks out
in my mind to this day.
so my point: kissing without caring is stupid. it pales in comparison to
the amazing feeling that comes with even the most basic goodnight kiss
from a girl i care about.
i really have no idea what the point of this blog was because everyone
knows all of these things already. sometimes i really wish i could blame
things on being drunk…