I Am Bismark

a response to the board

because i think it is a little personal to post on the board, i will respond to the board writers answers to my question about becoming a significant other of a board writer.

Optimistic., Bruno, Laser Jock,

Why are the first three posts all from guys and all rather defensive sounding? Feeling a bit threatened I suppose. Well, you have good reason to be. They don’t call me Alpha Male just for kicks.

Female Board Writer,

Well, that is nice of you to say. Actually, I don’t like my red hair that much. But hey, if it works for you… do you like chocolate? Specifically, hot chocolate in drinkable form? That’s about as creative as I can get right now… maybe after some deliberations I will come up with something worth asking someone out to do.

Lavish my dear,

What else have I got to offer? Oh my, where to begin. A nice car? Please. Why would I have one of those when I can have a scooter instead!! Ok, it doesn’t really fit two people, unless you get real close (wink). Charming personality? Come on, we all know girls just say they want that to not look shallow. A major with potential? Computer engineering, which yes, may sound nerdy, but one of these days those business majors you are dating will be washing my scooter. Wit? No. Kissing skills? Now we are talking. I wrote a blog about this once. Maybe I will post it as a classic blog… Many a maiden has lauded my superior abilities btw. How do you like them apples?


I am assuming by “partially true”, it means that you are only partially single because you are waiting for a missionary? Thats fine, I won’t intentionally invade another man’s territory, but you better watch out if I ever end up wearing that cologne. Do you work at the L&T Produce in the Cougar Eat? If so, I am the guy who always gets the Great Ceasar wrap to go, no parmesan cheese, plus cucumbers, a small fruit, and a wheat roll. Keep an eye out for me.


The dark part means I am mysterious. You can’t find out everything just from searching facebook and myspace!


I might take you up on that, though how in the world does your sister know me too? Do I just walk around campus as a celebrity without ever realizing it?


I’m 23. Yes, getting old for a single Provo man. But the years bring wisdom and charm. I think I would be a horrible Board writer btw. I think wet blanket does a good job of the role I think I would play best…

Taken Writer,

Your loss… my mom went out a couple of times with a guy at the Y before she met my dad. That guy ended up being a very rich car saleperson in Utah Valley, and now he is a general authority! Think about it.

Dragon Lady,

First, I don’t believe in curses. Unless they involve goats. Second, see the response to Tangerine. Third, I am assuming that because of your hair color, you are not Japanese. Though, maybe you could be one of those weird Japanese girls who bleaches her hair until it looks orange and the puts on white lipstick and eyeliner. Anyway, I actually dated a blonde over the summer, so I think I might have gotten over the whole black haired thing anyway. Fourth, how do you know that my real motive is not to just get some dates? Maybe I am really horrible at asking girls out, so this whole thing is one elaborate scheme to give me a chance to easily meet intelligent women.

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