I Am Bismark

don’t try to fight it, just embrace it

I have a confession to make. I, ryan, am a nerd. Yes, you read that correctly, I am a total and complete geeky nerd boy. I have decided that there is just no point in trying to deny who I am any longer.

You may wonder what prompted this realization. Well, last night (Friday) at about 7 pm, I was sitting in the one of the physics labs on campus. A few other guys and I were working on calculating the electric field that existed at the center of a half hollow shell with a uniform charge across its surface. As we were working through the triple integral involving the spherical coordinates, I had a sudden realization. I was not upset that I wasn’t out at a party. I wasn’t upset that I wasn’t out on a date. I was actually enjoying myself. A physics homework problem had become my hobby for those few minutes.

No, there really is no need to mourn for me. This is actually something I should have embraced so long ago. I am a geek.

I like computers. Everyday, I read a website called Slashdot.org, and I am just fascinated by stories about Microsoft and Apple, about new hardware, and about the Internet. I can’t remember the last time I checked sports scores on ESPN.com.

I just got hired as a computer support representative for the College of Fine Arts and Communications (cfac csr for short). I am excited about this job. I enjoy the guys that I work with. They talk about things such as video games and sci-fi that really interest me.

While at work, I decided I wanted to learn GNU Emacs (props to those who know what that is). I thought that I could be much cooler if I did my programming with it than with just lame GUI text editor.

Tonight, my roommate and a friend of mine sat around, ate chips and cookies, and watched Japanese anime. I really liked it. I love Japanese culture. I want to get more into anime and manga.

Girls do not like me. I think that is something I really need to just accept. I am too goofy looking and definitely not charming enough to make up for that. I really don’t have time for relationships right now anyway. I am going to try and see girls as people I can be friends with. Which means, I am not going to care if a girl is cute or not, but whether she is into the same sort of stuff that I am into. Of course, I will still find Asian women to be the most beautiful things on Earth.

I think I will still try somewhat to dress trendy though. That will be my sort of unique thing. Like, in a group of nerds, there should be the goth, the freaking smart asian kid, the quiet kid, etc. So I will be the well-dressed kid, at least well dressed for a nerd. I mean, I did lose just about every ounce of style I had in high school while I was in Japan, but I don’t think I am doing too bad right now. Also, I plan to stay in shape. No matter how big of a nerd I become, I don’t want to become one of those fat guys. I think I will also continue to take showers. If I ever want to get a good job, I had better at least smell good.

Forgive me if anytime in the future my lack of social skills puts any sort of hamper on our relationship. I hope all of you who know me can accept the fact that I am an out of the closet nerd.

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