yes, i am growing one. i figure it will be a deterrent to all of those foaming at the mouth women who want to kiss me… right.

but actually, while i was walking around today, my upper lip did feel noticeably warmer than the rest of my face.

so far i have been called a child molester and a sexy Unabomber while standing in a crowded airport (ok, i added the sexy part… but its true).

i think it will make me look older, which i suppose could be a good or bad thing. i will probably be more intimidating. guys with facial hair always are. girls with facial hair are too to be honest.

so, yes, if you see a tall redheaded guy with a kick-a mustache, its probably me, so give a holla.

spent the weekend in san francisco. i love the town. amazing atmosphere. soooo. mannnny. goooood. plaaaaces. tooo. eaaaaaaaaattttt!!!. we ate sushi at this hole in the wall chinese fish market. best tasting sushi i have had in years. and i found melon pan in little tokyo!!!

anyway.

molecularbond and i went downtown on wednesday because she needed something to wear to go to dinner with her boyfriend’s parents. it was the day before thanksgiving and everything was still rather packed. we went to urban outfitters and h&m. at both places i looked around, thinking there might be something i like. and yeah, there were some pretty cool things. i had a stocking cap and gloves in hand at h&m and i was slowly making my way to the line. suddenly, i stopped, turned around, and put the things back. every object in the store suddenly seemed very undesireable. i just didn’t feel the need to buy anything.

the same thing happened on friday. i have been saying awhile that as part of embracing my geekiness, i was going to buy a Nintendo DS lite and play it in public without caring what people though. I had it in hand while standing at Circuit City. but once again, i turned around and said i didn’t want it.

i don’t need stuff. i don’t know, i guess that is as simply as i can put it. i don’t want to just buy things for the sake of buying them. i should not get a high off of buying something. our consumerist society has conditioned us to do that though. and it sucks.

having what we need and also some luxuries is fine i think. but shouldn’t associations and experiences be what we remember most? instead of buying things this weekend, i went out on a walk with my sister. i played with my grandparent’s dog. i ate so much good food! i know those things made me happier than a new sweater.

i guess i shouldn’t be talking too much, as i write this on my Apple laptop while wearing my hollister shirt, guess jeans, and diesel shoes… but i do hope i remember this feeling the next time i think about buying something i really don’t need. money can be so much better spent than on filling our lives with objects.

black friday is idiotic. it will be my goal to never go out shopping on that day. my grandparents did take me to the mall on friday because they wanted to look for a gift for my great grandma. i went along to spend time with them. anyway, we met my aunt and uncle, both laden with shopping bags, who had been out since 5 am. i love them both, but man, it just seemed a bit sad.

and how about the stories of people fighting, pushing, shoving to get deals? there are only a few ideas that are truly worth fighting for, and extremely few things worth any such confrontations. i hope that i will never be angry at someone getting the last 60% off blender before me. i was incredulous when i read a quote in a NYT arcticle about friday. a woman at walmart said about one of the on-sale tvs something along the lines of “i have no idea if the tv is good or not, but i saw others getting it and that it was on sale, so i got it too.” sad.

if you bought stuff on friday, thats fine. but next time, try to think if you really needed that thing or not.

what am i grateful for?

• sappy blogs written at 2 am.
• beds.
• electrons.
• school.
• learning.
• goals.
• scholarships.
• low paying jobs.
• free time.
• late nights at the library.
• the closing music at the library (except for that scary popcorn popping rendition).
• growing up in a small town.
• going to big cities for vacation.
• sushi.
• asia.
• girls.
• cuddling.
• past love.
• hope for future love.
• lessons from broken hearts.
• contact lenses.
• hands.
• pecan pie.
• wisconsin cheese.
• canada (???).
• midterm elections.
• hope for peace.
• industrial revolution.
• black hair.
• crushes.
• blue jeans.
• fiscal responsibility.
• italian food.
• movies.
• lift up armrests at theaters.
• friends.
• enemies.
• people to make fun of.
• people who make fun of me.
• parents.
• sisters.
• brother.
• photographs.
• dogs.
• running shorts.
• egg nog.
• sleeping in.

so i have had a number of girls tell me i am a good kisser. why? i don’t really know. i most certainly did not have a lot of practice when i was young. but thats besides the point. in this season of thanksgiving, i suppose i ought to be grateful with whatever talents i have been blessed with, no matter how useless they may be. useless you say? yes. i will get to that later.

but first, seeing as i have had some girls tell me this (btw, for you disbelievers out there, when they told me this, they were dating other guys, etc, so they had no need to boost my confidence), perhaps my opinion on the subject can carry a bit more weight on the subject. so i will make a few observations:

style: i’ve noticed people have various styles of kissing. i’m trying to decide if that has to do with his/her (ok, from now on i will only be using the female pronoun, because that is just weird) ability or not (because some styles i’ve met up with really sucked, so maybe it wasn’t the person’s style at all…) (i use too many parenthetical statements). but, i guess if in the end, people do have different styles, with some of them just sucking, that is cool.

tongue: yes, the use of tongue is rather important. some girls just never even let their’s pass the threshold of their lips, some out of no where just shove it in your face, and some actually do it right. girls, please, start slowly. start with a focus on the lips, then move bit by bit, even timidly, further.

lips: well, duh. but on a more serious note, having the upper/lower lip individually receive slight suction creates a unique and wonderful sensation. try it.

air pressure: ok, so i have had girls who stay completely tight lipped and then suddenly open things up, creating a sort of open cavern, and losing all of the air pressure between the mouths. bad idea. when the sets of lips are together, continuous air pressure, or suction, ought to be maintained. a mouth should only be opened slightly, and pressure should be maintained.

eyes: closed. i can tell when they are open.

lipstick/gloss/gooey stuff on the lips: ok, please make sure there isn’t a ton on so that when the roommate walks in the door, your facade of watching tv on opposite ends of the couch isn’t completely ruined. and make sure it tastes decent. and btw, you girls better figure out if applying lip gloss is supposed to be a hint or not, because us guys just are too dumb sometimes.

other stuff: since this is a G-rated blog, i won’t continue. keep it clean kids.

now for something worthwhile:

seriously, what’s up with kissing? have you ever thought about how weird it really is? i mean, two humans putting an orifice of the body against each other. we eat with our mouths. we talk with our mouths. we breath with our mouths. so what is so great about putting them against another person’s? i don’t really know….

i like kissing. but to be honest, i don’t know if it is really as amazing as some people make it out (pun??) to be. kissing someone you don’t care about really does suck (pun??..ok, i’m done). yeah, sure, so i have had my share of “ncmo”. it seemed like it might be kind of exciting at the time, but afterwards it is usually awkward and lame. from my friends, i hear one night stands tend to be about the same. i am not proud of any of the times i have randomly made out with a girl. i don’t look back on any of them as fond memories. yet, that first kiss with the girl i loved still sticks out in my mind to this day.

so my point: kissing without caring is stupid. it pales in comparison to the amazing feeling that comes with even the most basic goodnight kiss from a girl i care about.

i really have no idea what the point of this blog was because everyone knows all of these things already. sometimes i really wish i could blame things on being drunk…

since i’ve had a number of people ask me about my last note, i guess i had better clarify things. no, i am not turning gay. nor was i gay and i am now coming out with it. i still like girls. i do. i just need some time to think about things.

here is my question though. what is a nice guy supposed to do when he doesn’t want to get married? my current theory: there are two types of girls at byu. first, are the ones that want to be married. sure, they are looking for nice guys, but they make it into a really huge deal. i mean, they will go home and pray if they should go on a second date or not. then there are the girls who are looking for fun and so they want the bad boy, rebellious, treat them like crap type of dude.

now, i am not blaming this on girls. i think a lot of this stems from guys here at byu falling into two groups also. first are the ones that are obsessively seeking to get married and take a different girl out every night until they find “the one.” then there are the guys who don’t care and just want some mormon style action. thus, girls end up realizing that there are these two categories so they just choose to go after one or the other.

now, before i start getting all of these messages giving specific examples contradicting my theory here, i will remind the reader i am speaking in generalities. i don’t think everyone is like this, but from the limited selection of people i have met, this is what i have observed.

so once again, the question. what is a nice guy who isn’t ready for marriage yet supposed to do at byu? i mean, i think i am a nice guy. sure, i can be sarcastic and obnoxious. but i think when i am out with a girl, i can be quite respectful and interesting to interact with.

when people ask, i usually tell them i just haven’t found the right girl to marry yet. but the truth is, i really just don’t feel ready for it. am i mature enough to raise a child? to control the finances of a family? to sacrifice everything for others? maybe not yet. the girl and time will come, i’m not worried about it.

but, as those of you who have talked to me about the subject know, emotional fulfillment is what i wish i had. what does that mean? perhaps examples are the best way to describe it. when you have someone you love, even just sitting on the couch with them cuddling for the entire evening doesn’t seem like a waste of time. when you have someone you love, going on a late night walk doesn’t make you tired in the morning. when you have someone you love, everyday you can wake up and feel excited about what will happen. life becomes easier. i’m not saying this as some romantic ideology, but from my own experiences. i had that once.

do i wish i could find that girl that will do that to my life again? yes. i want the girl that makes me want to be better. i want the girl who will make something as simple as going to the grocery store the most fun and exciting part of my day. i want the girl that when she doesn’t make herself up, i want to cuddle and hold her because she is so cute. i want the girl that when she does make herself up, i think “damn, someone get me out of here before i lose control.”

where is she? maybe not anywhere nearby. i’ve looked a bunch of times. no luck so far. and i will probably start looking again soon as everyone told me.

yes, i’ve got it. the grand unifying theory…

girls are a waste of my time. (excluding those i can have completely platonic relationships with… which right now equals about 5 of them) spending the energy to be with them, using the time to think about them, wasting the money to do things with them. worthless. i vow now to never stay awake during a sunday school lesson about marriage or dating. i will roll my eyes in disgust at every cheezy byu dating joke told in class or church. i will spend my weekends doing things that i think are fun, not worrying whether there is a chance that i will be able to get a date out of it or not. i will embrace my nerdiness. i will play video games and i will talk about computers, not caring if i am boring the crap out of any female within hearing distance. i will continue to work out and lift weights, not because i care about looking good at the pool next summer, but because it makes me feel good and energetic. i will save my text messages for setting up halo games and figuring out what kind of pizza to buy instead of flirting during class. i will keep learning japanese in order to improve my marketability in the engineering field, not to pick up on japanese women. i will wear nice clothes, because i like nice clothes, not because i care whether or not girls think i have fashion sense. i will hold out until i get out of this dating scene pit of despair so i can find interesting and attractive women while at graduate school.

am i upset? sure, a little bit. mostly at myself for being such a fool for these past two years. i have the fullest respect for those who find love and roll with it. but right now, it is not for me. no dates. you can find me working hard at school, working out in the gym, screwing around on my computer, or enjoying some football or a movie at home.