kissing - a treatise
so i have had a number of girls tell me i am a good kisser. why? i don’t really know. i most certainly did not have a lot of practice when i was young. but thats besides the point. in this season of thanksgiving, i suppose i ought to be grateful with whatever talents i have been blessed with, no matter how useless they may be. useless you say? yes. i will get to that later.
but first, seeing as i have had some girls tell me this (btw, for you disbelievers out there, when they told me this, they were dating other guys, etc, so they had no need to boost my confidence), perhaps my opinion on the subject can carry a bit more weight on the subject. so i will make a few observations:
style: i’ve noticed people have various styles of kissing. i’m trying to decide if that has to do with his/her (ok, from now on i will only be using the female pronoun, because that is just weird) ability or not (because some styles i’ve met up with really sucked, so maybe it wasn’t the person’s style at all…) (i use too many parenthetical statements). but, i guess if in the end, people do have different styles, with some of them just sucking, that is cool.
tongue: yes, the use of tongue is rather important. some girls just never even let their’s pass the threshold of their lips, some out of no where just shove it in your face, and some actually do it right. girls, please, start slowly. start with a focus on the lips, then move bit by bit, even timidly, further.
lips: well, duh. but on a more serious note, having the upper/lower lip individually receive slight suction creates a unique and wonderful sensation. try it.
air pressure: ok, so i have had girls who stay completely tight lipped and then suddenly open things up, creating a sort of open cavern, and losing all of the air pressure between the mouths. bad idea. when the sets of lips are together, continuous air pressure, or suction, ought to be maintained. a mouth should only be opened slightly, and pressure should be maintained.
eyes: closed. i can tell when they are open.
lipstick/gloss/gooey stuff on the lips: ok, please make sure there isn’t a ton on so that when the roommate walks in the door, your facade of watching tv on opposite ends of the couch isn’t completely ruined. and make sure it tastes decent. and btw, you girls better figure out if applying lip gloss is supposed to be a hint or not, because us guys just are too dumb sometimes.
other stuff: since this is a G-rated blog, i won’t continue. keep it clean kids.
now for something worthwhile:
seriously, what’s up with kissing? have you ever thought about how weird it really is? i mean, two humans putting an orifice of the body against each other. we eat with our mouths. we talk with our mouths. we breath with our mouths. so what is so great about putting them against another person’s? i don’t really know….
i like kissing. but to be honest, i don’t know if it is really as amazing as some people make it out (pun??) to be. kissing someone you don’t care about really does suck (pun??..ok, i’m done). yeah, sure, so i have had my share of “ncmo”. it seemed like it might be kind of exciting at the time, but afterwards it is usually awkward and lame. from my friends, i hear one night stands tend to be about the same. i am not proud of any of the times i have randomly made out with a girl. i don’t look back on any of them as fond memories. yet, that first kiss with the girl i loved still sticks out in my mind to this day.
so my point: kissing without caring is stupid. it pales in comparison to the amazing feeling that comes with even the most basic goodnight kiss from a girl i care about.
i really have no idea what the point of this blog was because everyone knows all of these things already. sometimes i really wish i could blame things on being drunk…