I Am Bismark

well hello dolly

per tangerine’s request:

when i was a young missionary lad in japan, some kind hearted members drove my companion and i up into the mountains of tochigi prefecture to a magical place called nikko. after hundreds of years as a sacred shinto shrine, tokugawa ieyasu, the great shogun of edo japan, designated the area as a temple to honor himself after his death. deep in the thick forest lies a series of grand halls and temples, filled with treasure and buddhist shrines. each building is ornately decorated with brightly lacquered wood carvings. most famous of these carvings is that of the three monkeys. one with his eyes covered, one with his ears covered, and one with his mouth covered. see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. one reason monkeys are found in these carvings is that the nikko mountains are home to a species of japanese monkeys. these monkeys grow to be rather large, around the size of a small toddler for the largest adults. the monkeys have learned over the centuries how to co-exist with the dense human populations of japan. near the temples, souvenir shop owners must constantly watch their wares in case of a mischevious monkey looking for a new toy or snack. signs warning tourists about eating food near forested areas line the trails. this is where i saw my first wild monkey, and it remains today as one of the most exciting events i have ever witnessed. as we drove up the mountain road, we came up to a large parking lot off to the right. much to my great joy, i saw a rather large monkey bounding down a row of cars! riveted as our car continued on, i watched the monkey approach a woman who was pulling what appeared to be a cooler out of her trunk. just as our car completed the turn, putting the scene out of view, i saw the monkey jump up onto the back of the woman! i was giddy with delight! i saw a real, wild monkey interacting with a human! oh happy day.

on a more serious note:

i am now the 100 hour board heart throb. you may call me that if you wish. i plan on signing all future questions with that title included. i haven’t even used my pheromone cologne yet and look at where i’ve gotten!

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